School.

This week was pretty interesting in school.
Monday-
I thought was going to be a normal day. And it was... until Science. We were talking about how salty our body is. And why dogs like to lick us. Then my teacher brings up why bears don't eat us. Apparently bears don't like salt? So she talks about why bears just maul us to death, then leave us, and why they don't rip the meat off of our bones. Uhm. Yeah. I was balling. And my class was the only class that she talked about bears in... and no, I'm not the first class. So there were classes before me, but she didn't talk about bears. Coincidence? So she pretty much ruined my day. I cryed the rest of the day.
Tuesday-
I couldn't stop thinking of what my teacher said. I had the terrifying picture in my head all day. It was too hard for me to concentrate. Then I had my conferences after school. And with the teacher that talked about the bears. But my mom didn't bring it up.
Wednesday-
Pretty much a normal day. I drew a beautiful picture of a sunset.
Thursday-
We started the book "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton in english. And as we were half way through the first chapter, a terrible line pops up. "I would no sooner tease a full grown grizzly than tease my brother" And my day went down the toilet. So Thursday night at counseling we talked about it. She said that she thought it was a sign from Katie. It was to get me back to the counselor, because I'm not through swallowing her death yet, and that I needed to go back for more help. That's what she said. I think she is right. I can't. I still will think "Aunt Katies Dead. Shes never coming back. I won't see her again. No way!" It sucks.

Now thanks to all these things about bears, my emotions are back up. I've been sad this whole week. I had a sleepover planned with my friend, and I cancelled because I didn't feel straight. I even finally had a sleepover with Grace planned, and I canceled because I wasn't right. Something was wrong. I didn't feel good.

Weird.

Found it

I found this quote. And I really liked it


"Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect; It means you've learned to look beyond the imperfections. "


^^Exactly.

8 months.

I really hate it when people say "You'll get over it" or "Oh, you haven't gotten over that yet?" I want to scream. "NO. I WILL NEVER GET OVER IT!"
It's just such a random thing. How often does ANYONE get a call from their uncle in Romania saying their Aunt has been killed by a bear on a mountain? Honestly. I think it's probably a first. Think about it - if someone in your family died. And that person was literally your best friend would you get over it? I don't think so. And I would hope not.
It's just like 'No, I will never forgive bears' I know she would want me to forgive them - because it was 'just doing what bears do' - but I never will. Why couldn't the bear do what it does away from my aunt?! Think about that. Why couldn't the bear pick on someone it's own size?
It's been too long without her. I haven't heard her voice in atleast 8 months. The last time I heard her voice, was when she called Great Grandma. Her phone is so loud, that we could hear Katie. But that's it. She did call us, but we missed it. And our stupid selves deleted the message she left. I haven't seen her in 11 months. It's been almost a year without seeing my aunt, my bestfriend. It's been 9 or 10 months without one of her "lectures" as she called it. It's been 11 LONG months without her hugs. Oh those hugs. They were the best. They made you feel loved, even in the saddest times. Infact- 8 months ago at this time right now, she was still alive! It's only 11:32. John called us at 3:36 exactly, and said it happened about an hour ago. So around 2:30. So 8 months ago, I still had my aunt. She was still breathing.
I'm just not the same. My laugh isn't the same. It doesnt sound as happy. Sometimes I can get so sad, that nothing is funny. My smile isn't the same. It's not as full as it used to be 8 months ago. It's almost like a half smile or something. I miss being able to be happy all through my body. It's like only part of my body will be happy. But I will feel sad in a different part. It really just suckss.

From My Favorite Movie Ever

New Thought

These past few nights, I have just been writing about my life. How I felt today, what I think. Just everything. So then I thought, well I can't put all of them on here because
#1- There are somethings I wouldn't want everyone to know
#2- It would be alot of posts.

So then I thought of this.
I will write every night, then at the end of the week, I will put together sentences from all my writings together in one post.

How does that sound?


Because alot of people have been asking me when I will post next.