It's almost beginning a whole new year. Am I ready for that.... NO! But I'm not going to to into all of that. Instead, today I feel like writing about all the happy times I had with Katie.
I remember last Christmas making toffee with her. It was her own recipe. And it wasn't made from alot. I think it had butter, chocolate chips, almonds, salt(?), maybe 1 or more things. But that's it. Yet it tasted soo good!
Then after it was done, we all sat down and listened to John read us "The Very Persistent Gappers of Frip." I can remember Chloe almost screaming at me to come to the back room because she was soo bored. Now everytime we get together, we read that book. I always fall asleep within 2 pages of starting it though. Haha.
This Christmas I felt unusual. I kind of felt lonely. Hmm.... is that how I should explain it? I'm not sure if that is the right term. But I did feel something along that. Then the death of Grandma Shaffer wrapped up my Christmas Day. Agh.
Now, it is 2008. Erg. I'm really missing 2007. My New Year's Revolution: To be happy.
Hmmm.... thats a toughy. Erg. This is a "stinky" year so far. So far, I hate 2008. Who knows what will happen though this year... so many possibilities.
I wish it was just beginning 2000. Then I would change so much. I wouldn't let Aunt Katie climb the mountian. I would have Uncle Richard live with us. I would just be beginning kindergarten. When everyone was happy. :] I miss those days.
It's 2008. hmm....
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Half of a Year
It has been 6 months since Aunt Katie passed. Her "anniversary" always seems to be around some special day. 12 days after she died, it was Independence Day. 6 days after her 3 month death anniversary was Julie's Wedding. 4 days after her 4 month death anniversary was her birthday. A few days after her 5 month anniversary was Thanksgiving. And now, 2 days after her 6 month anniversary is Christmas Day.
Now in 9 days, it will be a brand new year. A year that Aunt Katie has never and never will live in. I don't want that! I don't want to start a new year. I still want it to be the year that she was living and breathing in. The year that I talked to her in. I do not want to start a whole year without talking to Katie. I miss her so much. It has been so difficult for me to go 6 months without seeing her. I can only imagine what 6 years is going to be like.
On Thursday, I went to my moms counselor. Well, now she is mine too. She did an activity with me called EMDR. I am not sure exactly what it stands for. Mom, help me out. :] But this is what she did. She started tapping my knees and told me to close my eyes. Then she had me think of a sad event in my life, (I chose the death of Katie). Then she had me think back to that very day when John called to inform us of her passing. Then she told me to just relax my body, and say everything that is going through my mind, whatever I was thinking. The tapping of my knees was to get the left side and right side of my body to combine. It started to put together my emotions and my feelings together, and it stopped the part of my mind that blocked things. It kind of stopped the thinking part of my brain, so I wouldn't think "Oh, that's not important, I won't say that" It made it so that I would just say everything.
It made me feel better. It was supposed to not erase my memories, but make them so that whenever I think of them, I will make them positive things, not negative. She said that we will do it more too.
Then she taught me how to talk to Katie. She told me to stop thinking and close my eyes. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted to know from Katie. I said "If she is OK and safe". Then the counselor told me to keep my eyes close and in my mind say "Katie, are you OK. I need to know" Then I listened, and I do strongly believe I heard Katie. I don't care what you think, if you are skeptical or think I'm crazy, but I strongly believe I heard Aunt Katie answer me. she said "Yes I am. Don't Worry about me. I still love you so much" I felt relieved afterward. Think what you think, but I believe it. And I have used this technique many times since then. It seems to work.
:]
Peace, Love, and a Merry Christmas,
Kayla
Now in 9 days, it will be a brand new year. A year that Aunt Katie has never and never will live in. I don't want that! I don't want to start a new year. I still want it to be the year that she was living and breathing in. The year that I talked to her in. I do not want to start a whole year without talking to Katie. I miss her so much. It has been so difficult for me to go 6 months without seeing her. I can only imagine what 6 years is going to be like.
On Thursday, I went to my moms counselor. Well, now she is mine too. She did an activity with me called EMDR. I am not sure exactly what it stands for. Mom, help me out. :] But this is what she did. She started tapping my knees and told me to close my eyes. Then she had me think of a sad event in my life, (I chose the death of Katie). Then she had me think back to that very day when John called to inform us of her passing. Then she told me to just relax my body, and say everything that is going through my mind, whatever I was thinking. The tapping of my knees was to get the left side and right side of my body to combine. It started to put together my emotions and my feelings together, and it stopped the part of my mind that blocked things. It kind of stopped the thinking part of my brain, so I wouldn't think "Oh, that's not important, I won't say that" It made it so that I would just say everything.
It made me feel better. It was supposed to not erase my memories, but make them so that whenever I think of them, I will make them positive things, not negative. She said that we will do it more too.
Then she taught me how to talk to Katie. She told me to stop thinking and close my eyes. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted to know from Katie. I said "If she is OK and safe". Then the counselor told me to keep my eyes close and in my mind say "Katie, are you OK. I need to know" Then I listened, and I do strongly believe I heard Katie. I don't care what you think, if you are skeptical or think I'm crazy, but I strongly believe I heard Aunt Katie answer me. she said "Yes I am. Don't Worry about me. I still love you so much" I felt relieved afterward. Think what you think, but I believe it. And I have used this technique many times since then. It seems to work.
:]
Peace, Love, and a Merry Christmas,
Kayla
Monday, December 17, 2007
Awe!
I love this video so much! It's my favorite part of A Muppet Christmas Carol.
It makes me cry every year. :)
It makes me cry every year. :)
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
My "I Am" Poem
I am shy and loving.
I wonder about my dreams.
I hear my aunt laughing.
I see my aunt smiling.
I want to see my family more often.
I am shy and loving.
I pretend I am sleeping in the clouds.
I feel worried and sad.
I touch my aunts hand.
I worry about loosing my mom.
I cry when I think of bears.
I am shy and loving.
I understand that life isn't fair.
I say everyone should be happy.
I dream about seeing my aunt again.
I try to live a happy life.
I hope to accompplish many things.
I am shy and loving.
I wonder about my dreams.
I hear my aunt laughing.
I see my aunt smiling.
I want to see my family more often.
I am shy and loving.
I pretend I am sleeping in the clouds.
I feel worried and sad.
I touch my aunts hand.
I worry about loosing my mom.
I cry when I think of bears.
I am shy and loving.
I understand that life isn't fair.
I say everyone should be happy.
I dream about seeing my aunt again.
I try to live a happy life.
I hope to accompplish many things.
I am shy and loving.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Today...
Was a bad day... I was sad, and I kind of felt angry at myself. That's all I want to say now.
Love Me
Love Me
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Hello World
Today I saw my counselor Mrs.Peterson. She is really nice and I enjoy talking to her. It's like she understands the pain im going through.
My hand is sore. My pinky is swollen and green/blue/purple. I have a very colorful hand... Monday I am going to the doctor to check it out. It's to see how long I have to have the splint, and how long its going to take to heal and stuff like that.
That's pretty much all my new news.
My hand is sore. My pinky is swollen and green/blue/purple. I have a very colorful hand... Monday I am going to the doctor to check it out. It's to see how long I have to have the splint, and how long its going to take to heal and stuff like that.
That's pretty much all my new news.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Well...
This weekend was pretty nice. As most of you know, it was Aunt Katies birthday on Saturday. We had a great time with everybody. Now i am back into my school schedule.
Monday was a normal day... not much fun. Then I got to leave early today because I hit my hand REALLY hard on a science lab. I went to the hospital and they said that I chipped my bone in my knuckle. So they put my finger in a splint. And I can't do gym for atleast 2 weeks!!! WHOO HOO! By the way, I hit my right hand, so it sucks! :) So tomorrow I am definatley seeing my counselor.
Monday was a normal day... not much fun. Then I got to leave early today because I hit my hand REALLY hard on a science lab. I went to the hospital and they said that I chipped my bone in my knuckle. So they put my finger in a splint. And I can't do gym for atleast 2 weeks!!! WHOO HOO! By the way, I hit my right hand, so it sucks! :) So tomorrow I am definatley seeing my counselor.
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