Peace. Love. Hope. Trust. Believe.: Half of a Year

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Half of a Year

It has been 6 months since Aunt Katie passed. Her "anniversary" always seems to be around some special day. 12 days after she died, it was Independence Day. 6 days after her 3 month death anniversary was Julie's Wedding. 4 days after her 4 month death anniversary was her birthday. A few days after her 5 month anniversary was Thanksgiving. And now, 2 days after her 6 month anniversary is Christmas Day.
Now in 9 days, it will be a brand new year. A year that Aunt Katie has never and never will live in. I don't want that! I don't want to start a new year. I still want it to be the year that she was living and breathing in. The year that I talked to her in. I do not want to start a whole year without talking to Katie. I miss her so much. It has been so difficult for me to go 6 months without seeing her. I can only imagine what 6 years is going to be like.
On Thursday, I went to my moms counselor. Well, now she is mine too. She did an activity with me called EMDR. I am not sure exactly what it stands for. Mom, help me out. :] But this is what she did. She started tapping my knees and told me to close my eyes. Then she had me think of a sad event in my life, (I chose the death of Katie). Then she had me think back to that very day when John called to inform us of her passing. Then she told me to just relax my body, and say everything that is going through my mind, whatever I was thinking. The tapping of my knees was to get the left side and right side of my body to combine. It started to put together my emotions and my feelings together, and it stopped the part of my mind that blocked things. It kind of stopped the thinking part of my brain, so I wouldn't think "Oh, that's not important, I won't say that" It made it so that I would just say everything.
It made me feel better. It was supposed to not erase my memories, but make them so that whenever I think of them, I will make them positive things, not negative. She said that we will do it more too.
Then she taught me how to talk to Katie. She told me to stop thinking and close my eyes. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted to know from Katie. I said "If she is OK and safe". Then the counselor told me to keep my eyes close and in my mind say "Katie, are you OK. I need to know" Then I listened, and I do strongly believe I heard Katie. I don't care what you think, if you are skeptical or think I'm crazy, but I strongly believe I heard Aunt Katie answer me. she said "Yes I am. Don't Worry about me. I still love you so much" I felt relieved afterward. Think what you think, but I believe it. And I have used this technique many times since then. It seems to work.

:]

Peace, Love, and a Merry Christmas,
Kayla

3 comments:

John W. Evans said...: Kayla,

I'm glad to hear that you like your new doc, and that the work you are doing together is helpful and meaningful. I think the 23rd will be an important date for us for a long time. Maybe we can find a way to celebrate the date--since it's so special, to make it something positive? I dunno. I was sitting around tonight in the Mayer house and someone put on that Austin song by Blake Shelton, and I thought of how Katie liked it. Sometimes it's nice how she is everywhere, even when it's hard, right?

Well, keep up the solid work here, Kayla,

Love,
John; Mon Dec 24, 08:55:00 PM
Jenn said...: Merry Christmas, Kayla. Don't worry, I talk to Katie all the time...and I believe she is listening, too.
Big hugs to you & your family!!; Tue Dec 25, 09:22:00 AM
Kelly Luce said...: Kayla,

It's crazy, isn't it, what the absence of just one person means. Katie especially had a way of impacting people she hardly knew. I only knew her for a year or two, really, but her death has changed a lot about the way I think and the way I live. Thank you for sharing what she meant to you, someone so close to her for so long.

On another note--please please keep writing! You are able to express some beautiful, difficult things on the page--your thoughts on the new year, your description of the psychiatrist visit...maybe this is cheesy, but really, you are giving a gift to everyone who reads this (including my parents, and a couple of friends of mine who are strangers to you, but who want to know about Katie and what she was like). So, thanks. Katie will be there for any of us to talk to, I think, and I don't think she'll care if it's 2008 or 2088...we'll always be able to say, 'it was just this lifetime that I talked to Katie in person!'

Kelly; Sun Dec 30, 08:58:00 PM

So baby you my only love; the only love I want is yours. Nobody is going to take me away from you, and I hope it's the same for you. :)

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." - Charlie Brown

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

"The storm starts when the drops start dropping. When the drops stop dropping, then the storm starts stopping" - Oh Say Can You Say, Dr. Seuss book

I've finally found what life's really about. Hanging on when your hearts had enough, and giving more when you want to give up.

You're lucky you know, right? - Emma

Life is short, Break the Rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that once made you smile.

Elve's are all jacked up on maple syrup!

Laughter on one's lips is a sign that that person deep down has a pretty good grasp of life.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing - Michael Pritchard

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transformation that's troublesome - Isaac Asimov

Madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little... push - The Joker

Maybe people are younger when they sleep - Ponyboy Curtis(:

In order to live, we must let go. Forget her hearts not beating. Her spirit IS here. - Emma.

Look beside you. Shes trying to hold your hand. - Emma.

"Right now, you and me here, put together entirely from atoms, sitting on this round rock with a core of liquid iron held down by this force of this trouble you call gravity, all the while spinning around the sun at 67 thousand miles an hour and whizzing through the Milky Way at 600 thousand miles an hour in a universe that very well may be chasing its own tail at the speed of light.. and amidst all this frantic activity, fully cognizant of our own imminent demise-which is a very pretty way of saying we all know we're going to die-we reach out, to one another, sometimes for the sake of vanity, sometimes for reasons you're not old enough to understand yet, but a lot of the time we just reach out, and expect nothing in return. Isn't that strange? Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird enough?" - Martian Child.