Best Quote Ever.

"Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? you don’t want to smile, and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time, you don't know exactly what is wrong either. there isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. if you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. people have stopped being comforting.. and being alone never was. at least when you're alone no one constantly asks you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who wont take 'I don't know' for an answer. you feel the way you do just BECAUSE. you hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait."

Bitter mood?

This is one of my new favorite songs, and the first song by Miley Cyrus that I've actually liked.

I've found music helps any mood, stops attitudes, etc... School starts in a week. Cannot wait <3

Feeling more 'cool'

So, I am so incredibly excited for this year to start, just for the fact, that I am no longer a little freshman. I'm a sophmore ;D And it makes you feel more cool, hence the title.

We won't be the scared, nervous, lost, puppy dog eyed, quiet, good freshie's anymore. We'll feel more ... powerful? Sure, it's still an lower classmen, BUT, we know our way, we know the limits, we know the teachers. And the best part is, going in the first day, you don't have to be so worried. I've met so many new people this year, that I am sure in every single class I have, I will know at least one person. That was probably the worst part of freshman year. You only knew people from your middle school, and you were shy. So in some classes, you were the loner. It happened to everyone, even people who you think know 'everybody', they still have their lonely moments.

I have a feeling this year is going to be a good year. Now that the first year of high school is over, we all turned into something we swore we never would, but still, it's not that dramatic. Some kids yeah, its worse. Such as, mm... 95% of the guys get cocky, over confident, rude, creepy O.o

But everyone manages. You begin finding true friends, you learn who you want to be friends with and who you know you need to stay away from. The worse part is over. We've gone through all that. And now it's just keeping up the ride the next 3 years.

I can't wait :)

McDonald Woods.

December 2006 I'm thinkin'. Memories are what keep us together <3

Up North

This past week I was in Minnesota with some of Katie's old friends, and their families. Delia, Ali, Drea, Sam, Dayna, Sam, Alex, baby Ayla, Cathy, and my family. We spent the time getting really close with them, as some people mentioned, it almost feels like family.

I saw the Mississippi River for the first time, well that I remember ;) We visited St. Cloud State University, saw where Katie went. It almost felt like she was with us, by our sides. It was a comforting trip.

I saw different sides of everyone that I hadn't seen before. I had a nice almost "venting" time with Delia. We had quite the adventure too. We went on this long walk through the woods where Katie apparently "dragged" her to after having Ali. We found a path leading off the main path, and of course, followed it. It led us through some shoulder high grass, pricklies, and mud. But soon enough we found the river! We had to slide down a steep hill to get to it, but it was worth it. It felt like something Katie would have done.

We also saw some beautiful gardens, the Munsinger Gardens. There was so many colors and different types. I even saw one called the Santa Claus flower. :) It was red with white around the edges of the leaves. Meanwhile all the little kids getting soaked in the water fountain.

Hmm, on the car ride there, we stopped at places we had stopped on our way to see Katie when she was in college.

All in all it was a well needed trip, with lots of fun included.

Minds.

How do our minds know stuff, when even we don't? How do they change our mood, when we don't even realize why, until we really think about it.

June is by far, the hardest month of the year. But I didn't even realize it was June, until I took a step back, checked out my mood, and thought about it... I've been quieter, slower, sadder, and I didn't know why. I was even getting mad at myself for it. How did my brain figure all this out without me having any idea?

It also explains these weird dreams. I've been having dreams, that I don't remember, but I wake up in tears, or a wet pillow. I only remember one dream, out of all of them. And of course, it had to do with Katie, and her death. I want to know how my brain can come up with all this stuff, without me thinking of it.

Even though I can't touch your face, I feel you with me every day, I wish you could see all my dreams coming true, When I get lost I close my eyes, And I feel you shining down so bright, I feel you shining down on me.

What I've Decided

I've figured out alot lately. Such as:

• I really really really really dislike The Hobbit. It is by far one of the worst pieces of literature ever written, and I don't understand why the heck it is in the FRESHMAN curriculum. Don't we have it rough enough as it is? I read one paragraph and have to reread it 10 times because I can't comprehend what I just read. Mind you, one single chapter is atleast 35 pages, and there are 20 chapters. AND next we have The Odyssey?! Hahahaha who do they think they are making us do this.
• I dislike cheerleading. Especially cheerleading coaches. They play favorites, they are JUST like stereotypical highschool cheerleaders (the kind I can't stand). I'm reallyyyy considering quiting, I will not last another year being treated with no respect like I don't matter.
• I'm done being a weenie freshman. Everyones just out to step all over you and eat your soul. But I'm trying my hardest not to let it get to me.
• Scary looking deans, actually are very nice and caring.
• I wasn't made for drama. I can finally admit, I am way more mature than a big chunk of my highschool, which suckssss a lot.
• I cannot stand pregnant english teachers. They piss me off. I want to bite them.

7 Weeks

Just 7 weeks til freshman year is over, and summer is here. Those 7 weeks couldn't go by fast enough :p I'm ready for a break.

New Music

You guys should check out Chase Coy. He's a newer artist. I really like his music :)

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances, you just have to live life to the fullest. laugh as much as you can, spend all your money, tell someone what they mean to you, tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, pig out, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, smile until your face hurts, don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love... & most of all live in the moment cause when you look back someday knowing you have no regrets its going to be what makes you smile. :)

Quick catch up?

I figured its time to post again... but I just can't think of what to write about.

Hmm. Cheer's over! That's always good news right?? What else. I learned that marshmallow fluff doesn't freeze, and just engulfs everything you try to put on it. I started drivers ed today. Woo hoo? Ummmmm. I really don't know what else. We had choral fest last weekend. It was alright. But I miss Mahone's choir. And the guest conductor last year was wayyy better, I didn't like this guy at all. He kind of scared me too. Oh I also had to sing alone infront of my whole choir. THAT was fun... nooottttt. Haha. That's about all going on recently.

Andd I'm off...

To another day at the newest form of Nazi Camps. Ughh school's beginning to become a dragg.

Ronnie Bachman

So last friday at school, we had a guest speaker, Ronnie Bachman. He's a motivational speaker. At age four, his legs were completely amputated. He has no part of the limbs at all. So now he gets around in a scooter. And he is SO happy with life. It is amazing how just completely happy this guy is. He talked to all the freshman about being happy, and treating eachother completely fair. He was motivational. I've never heard over 500 freshman be so quiet and attentive. He taught us all 3 amazing words. I love you. and he said them to all of us. You really don't realize how much those words can affect you. He told us a cool story. When he was ten, he had a toy big wheel he got around on. and he went to a store down the street on it. when he came out, it was gone. And there were two 15 year olds standing there, they picked him up, and dragged him to an alley. Mind you, they didn't know him, he didn't know them, he hadn't done anything to them, they just saw him from the restaurant across the street and thought this would be fun. They beat him up, badly. Bleeding mouth, nose, eyes, face. Then, one sat on him, and the other poured pepper into his eyess. At this point, I was crying, of course. He said this was the worst day of his life. Later in life, he became best friends with Steven Tyler, from Aerosmith, and was a broadcaster for Detroit. One day, he was at a concert, and a random guy comes up to him, and introduces himself as the kid who poured pepper into his eyes as a kid. He also told Ronnie, that he now is married and has 2 kids, and both of his kids are disabled. Mhm, karma. Hm. What else did he say. Oh, one day, minding his own business, some guy comes up to him and says "Wow if i looked like you, i'd kill myself" WHO WOULD SAY THAT, especially to his face? But with Ronnie's happy view on life, he replied with "Ha I was thinkin' the same damn thing about you!" I respect this guy with all my heart. He has a kid too. He said when people ask him why his wife divorced him they ask "She couldn't handle it?" and he always says "Shooot I couldn't handle her!" and he got full custody of his daughter who is now 30. Then at the end of his speech, we could go up and meet him in person, which I of course did. He hugged me, and called me a beautiful sweetheart :) It was pretty nifty.

Brryan Jackson

So tonight, at our schools talent show, we had a guest speaker there to raise awareness of HIV/AIDS. All the money we raised tonight went to this awareness by the way. So anyways, his name is Brryan Jackson. Maybe some of you have heard of him? His life story reallyy touched me, so I thought I'd share it.

When he was 11 months old, he was in the hospital for an asthma attack. And his father decided he didn't want to pay the child support. So after 48 hours of his mother being in the room with him, the father said "Go get something to eat and drink. I'll watch the baby" The mom left. And the dad intentionally injected his OWN baby child with HIV positive blood. Hoping this baby of his would die, and there would be no more child support to pay. HOW SICK IS THAT. By this point, I was drowning in tears. Anyways. He went on. The doctors did test after test after test on him. He was given 5 months to live. And they sent him home, and said "Have a good life" Well, he survived after these 5 months! He wasn't allowed into elementary school, because of his disease. After a while, they let him in. But, he couldn't associate with any other kids, he had to bring his own water, and could only come for a half day. All the kids picked on and teased him. By 7th grade, it got to the point where they were beating him up. He was kicked off the basketball and football team. So he became a male cheerleader. (Woot woot) He fell in love with a girl. And after she found out he was HIV positive, she never talked to him again. He wrote amazing love songs for her. And sang them to us. And said "I may never see her again, but wherever she is... I still love her." Aww. He graduated high school last year. And now he is out and determined to do something amazing with his life. He's been all around the world spreading awareness about HIV. He's been on tv shows, he's received awards, like the Halo award from Alicia Keys. So after the talent show, I walk out of the auditorium just crying, and he's standing there! He gave me a hug, and I got my picture with him :) I also bought a bracelet and red ribbon and donated $5. And I won a t-shirt. It was an amazing night. And this guy just blew me away.

So that was my night. Even retelling the story to my mom, I teared up again. I got like 6 videos of him. :)

Something cool.

Tell Her She's Beautiful

Type:	Causes - Rally
Network:	Global

Start Time:	Thursday, February 11, 2010 at 12:00am
End Time:	Sunday, February 14, 2010 at 11:55pm
Location:	ENTIRE WORLD

Description

It has come to my attention that as I grow older, girls get more and more self conscious of themselves. This hurts me, because every girl is beautiful in their own way. They all want to live up to standards that the media has set for them, like being paper thin or double Z breasts. It really breaks my heart to see all of the girls to wallow around and hate who they are and think they aren’t worth something.

I’m making this event so everyone can tell anyone that they think is beautiful, that they are beautiful. Just tell them. They don’t hear it enough, and they want to hear it. Tell anyone; tell your friend, your mother, your sister, your cousin, your dog for all I care. Let’s show girls that we don’t care about the standards that they set for themselves and that we like them the way they are.

Let’s show every girl that they really are beautiful. So tell them, it’ll make their day.

Girls, you ARE beautiful.

Things I've Realized

*Oh one more thing I've learned. I can be happy, and I certainly am happy. But I've realized, I'm still hurting. One little word, saying her name, one stupid song, or quote, or memory. And within seconds, I'm in tears again.*

So, high school has put me through so much. I have gone through so much this year, it's unbelievable. I've made some amazing new friends, I've learned more about myself, I've been cheated on, I've learned what I can and cannot do... and learned to accept it, I've been through ups and downs, but mainly, I've greatly improved my life.

Some things I've learned about me...

I have no tolerance, for B.S. None, at all. And if I'm around it, I immediately tense up and keep to myself.

I have learned that a lot of what high school kids say, are lies.

I've learned soo much about guys. Guys, as friends, and guys, as more than friends. I've learned it's wayyyy easier to be friends with guys. Just because they are so laid back. And then, I've learned what I like in a guy, and what I need in a guy. I've learned how to deal with crappy ones, who don't care. I've learned how to deal with sluts (pardon my language) who think it's perfectly fine to go around taking boyfriends. I've learned how to like, and move on, not because you want to, but because you know you'll get hurt if you don't.

I've learned how to be more social, talk more.

I have come to realize, I really dislike cheerleaders... even though I am one. But, I'm in, to try to change peoples thoughts on cheerleaders. People see me, and say "Whoa, you're a cheerleader? You don't act like one at all". That's when I feel accomplished.

Hmm.. what else.

I've learned how to say Taylor Lautner is gorgeous in French - Taylor Lautner est beau.

I've learned trig, sine, cosine, tangent, I've learned even moree about volume and surface area. I've learned about polygons, polyhedrons, angles, shapes. I've learned more about shapes than I thought was possible. More than I learned in 1st grade.

I've learned how to make a business card, flyer, comic book, and mug. I've learned more about printing and graphic industries than I've ever wanted to even know.

I've learned that WWI was a complete waste of time, money, and loss of lives.

I've learned how to sing extremely high notes. Higher than I thought possible for the human voice.

I've learned how to accept on some days, that I am pretty. I've learned, this really helps you out during your day as well.

I've learned to think "Today is a good day" and it will be a good day! I've learned if you go to school with a frown, or in tears, bad things just continue happening to you.

I've learned I'm very self-aware of myself. I've also learned, this is a good quality. So says my counselor.

I've learned I have lots of great friends who truly care about me.

I've learned who I want around when all I want to do is smile. And I've learned who really can make me smile.

I've learned that I absolutely adore the butterfly feeling in my stomach, and I love smiling uber big at that one special boy.

People say high school changes people... Do I agree? Absolutely. However, I believe, for me at least, it changed me for the better. Yes, I've seen old friends change, go down a road they weren't on 2 years ago. I've seen the used-to-be straight A students, suddenly fail, and go into drugs and alcohol. But... I'm thinkin high schools not gonna be as bad as they say. :)

OH! and I've also learned that for some people, it's pretty damn easy to get over death. And that doesn't make me happy.

One of the greatest songs ever written

This is from a while ago.

It opens your chest, it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, then one stupid person no different from any other wanders into your life. They did something stupid one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.