Spring Break

It was... interesting. I only spent 2 nights in my own bed.
First was grandpas. It was the same as usual. I talked more about it below.
Then was Iowa. The Debuque Grand Harbor Resort and Waterpark. Mainly we were not in the waterpark... more out. We ate at the Star restaurant Wednesday night. It was a lovely walk there. It was along the Mississippi River, and we were walking in the dark. It was almost raining, but not quite. I loved it. Then we headed home Thursday. Then I got the call that I was 'requested' in Indiana. I have to say... I was hesitant to go, but it was good. I really loved Indiana. It was probably my favorite part of Spring Break. When we got there, we went to Chloe and Chases school to see the "Spring Sing" concert. It was cute. Chase had a solo line. Then Chloe sang "We go together" from Grease. Haha. All the teachers were singing along. Then we went back to their house, and it was sunny. So we went to the 'adopted' trampoline down in the other court. We went there everyday... maybe not Sunday? Friday night we went out to eat. Wow, that was an experience. Our waiters name was Matt, and he wasn't very 'kid friendly' It was almost like we were invisible. He didn't ask us anything... for our food, what we want to drink, dessert, crayons, ANYTING. So then we started joking. He was afraid of little kids. Then we got a vision after our food was delivered. We realized that HE didn't deliver the kids food. But then he came out later to deliver the adults. Hmm... Our vision was this.
He would come out to deliver our food. Then stick his arm out really far and be like "just take it all ready will you?!" Then as he got closer he was freak out and jump out the window. You hear the car start up and drive away. Then you hear a cat meow, people curssing and tires screeching. The story would be in the paper headline
"KIDS CAUSE WAITER TO GO BISSURK"
That was fun. Then we were joking that we would go back and ask for Matt. Then we would peek his head around the corner and scream and pass out at the sight of us. Ahh I can see it now.
OH! He also wasn't very friendly. Like one time when he was coming to collect some plates. Emma was holding the little 'tub' of ketchup and dipping fries in it. And as soon as he comes, he just snatches it out of her hand like "your done" haha. Emma was appauled. Good times(:

I think it was a good spring break. Not my favorite, but ok.

Easter.

Well, it's here. I have to say... it's a rather sad day (for me atleast). I'm not sure why. It's been a fine day. The sun is out FOR ONCE. It's not raining. It smells like a pile of burning leaves, and I love that smell. We went egg hunting and all. It's just, missing something.
This is the first Easter without Katie in 3 years. We went to Miami for Easter '05,
'06 and last year she came home from Romania. I know 2 of the pictures that were on the slideshow at the FIU event were from last Easter. The one that was her, my mom, and me all laughing was when we were dyeing Easter Eggs. I missed that. Last night, we were dyeing eggs here at grandpas house. I did something we did the last year in Miami. John had the idea that if we wrapped the egg in a paper towel then put it in different colors, it would turn out tie-dye. Well, it 'kind of' worked this year. The yellow was overpowered by the pink. So we had an orange-y egg. But all Hannah was worried about was if the Easter Bunny would know we were here, and not at home. Luckily, he found us. She was pretty funny. She would yell out "I'm gonna go get these ones" I told my mom "You don't really here how she talks (her grammar) until you repeat it yourself. Then you realized how 'bad' and funny it is. THESE ONES. :)
She had quite a time finding her Easter basket. She even found mine before hers. Hers was hidden harder than mine. Hah. I origanally had a huge soft duck in mine and she had a frog. But today she decided that she likes ducks better. So we switched before she started a fit. It all turned out good.
It just was missing Katie. She wasn't there... physically. And I couldn't see her. But I could here her voice. My councelor taught me how to talk to Katie. I use it alot. I'll say "Katie, I need you" and I will here her "Kayla, your doing fine. I still love you." I often here her when I do something. If I say something, or do something (good or bad) I will here her. Sometimes I will here "Great job." or sometimes "Kayla!" Haha. I can still here her saying "MICHELLE!". I remember that. Whenever my mom would tease me or Hannah (which she does quite often) ;) I can here her. "MICHELLE."
We found a video of us last Easter. It's really short. Like 5 seconds. All it is is Katie saying "Careful Careful CAREFUL" getting more and more tense while Hannah is dropping an egg into some dye. It's just nice to hear her voice. Her true voice. Fully there. In my head, it's still different. It's her. But it's quiet, or faded away. Thats it!!! It's faded. Which kind of sucks. The only videos we found with her is the Easter one, and one from Christmas 2006. She walks in the door and we have the video camera on her, and she goes "HELLO!" then my mom says "Oh and she primps for the camera" and Katie says "Yeah well you never stopped primping your whole life" And That's it. We got some of Katie's good old humor. I miss her alot.

What Hurts The Most

I LOVE THIS SONG. It is like totally me.
Rascal Flatts What Hurts The Most Lyrics


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over


I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

Hah,

Man, do I hate some people. It's amazing. How can you get so upset at somebody over something so stupid?
7th grade. Ahh,
If you looked it up in the dictionary, this is the definition

7th grade, noun;
A place in which is full of overdramatic girls, boys who wanna act tough, stupid stuff, and where you should not be if you are fragile.
Well, guess what? I'm fragile. I break easily. And all this stuff going on (not JUST including school) is reallt starting to get to me. I'm getting really sick of drama. Not saying that I'm in any, but watching other people. It's like SHUT UP!!! Girls will say "Oh he dumped me for her and she started a rumor about me" its like GET OVER IT!!! There's bigger problems in this world. Or boys. They think that flirting is annoying the @#$!@# out of you. It's over-whelming.
Luckily, only 1 more year in middle school. Then even MORE drama begins in high school. Oh boy am I excited for that. :P
Okie dokie, that's it for now. Just had to let that out.(:

Okay.

I want to try something. So this time in Florida, I found out that ALOT mor people read my blog than I think. So just for me, I want to see who all does.
On this post, if you happen to stop by on my blog, could you post a comment just saying your name. I just want to see who all reads it. Even if I know you read my blog (Mom, John, Granda...) please post your name.

Thanks!

Florida

Well, I'm officially home. It was a long and stressful 4 days - but it still was good.
Thursday we didn't get in until 9 p.m. so we didn't have time to do anything.
Friday we woke up and went to the beach. It was my first time on that beach after Aunt Katie's death. Meaning the last time I was there, I was with her. Emotional - as you could have thought. I remember almost not wanting to go, because of that. But I still went anyways... and it turned out great. That first time my toes sunk into the sand, I felt free. No worries, no anger. It was an indescribable feeling. I remember the whole weekend I kept wishing my cousins were there. >_<
-Story: When Hannah was young, and it was our first time going to Miami to visit Katie, my mom kept talking about going to "Miami" as if it was "MY Ami". Now, Hannah will say "Remember when we went to Your Ami Momma?" or I would ask her "Are you excited to go to Miami" and she will reply "No It's Momma's Ami". Hah.-
Kay, back to Friday. When we finally arrived in Miami, we got calls from everyone saying they were going to be late, when we rushed to get there. Figures. But it was great weather! So then we get to FIU campus and can't find room 555. :) Then when we find the room, we are last to arrive. but okay - right? The board meeting was good. I have to say, it was kind of boring at times. But it picked up alot too. Then the actual event. It started out pretty much just blah. There really wasn't anything for me to do, except meet a few strangers, and some people I had met once or twice from our previous times in Miami. But it's all good. I like meeting new people. (: Then the slideshow came on. And all tears broke loose. I held it together until like 3 pictures in came on the picture we took last Easter 2007. It was me, my mom, and Katie all laughing hysterically at something. I LOVE that picture. Then the picture came on of her signing "I Miss You" in sign language. I couldn't hold it. I dug my head into my mom like a 4 year old and started balling. But I still watched the pictures of my aunt going by. I've realized that now I LOVE saying "My aunt" She was MY AUNT. Of course, she was my cousins aunt too, but she wasn't my friends aunt or anybody elses aunt. She was mine, and I'm glad I had her. She was too good a person to miss out on.
Saturday we went to the storage locker in Miami. It was okay. VERY sad, yet happy. Well, maybe happy isn't the right word, considering how is it possible to be trully happy when you are going through your aunt's possestions, when she is 'moved on' - dead. Then we had to walk down to their old appartment. We couldn't pass up the opportunity. But we didn't get to walk ALL the way down, because we 'had to go to lunch' when lunch was right around the corner. But whatever. After lunch, we started on the long drive back up to Stuart Florida. That drive I actually rode with John, Uncle Ed and Joe. It was a uhm... interesting drive. John said he and Joe were obnoxious, but I really didn't notice. Haha. THEN! When we got to Stuart, John announced his new position in California. He had told me earlier in the car, but I had to act surprised. So when he said it to the rest of the 'crew' I screamed "OH MY GOSH! I NEVER EXPECTED THAT!" (: Good cover right?
Sunday we pretty much sat outside in the pool and hottub, then we went to the beach around 4. It was a very relaxing day.
Monday was our last day. The morning grandma, my mom, Linda and I woke up at 7 and headed to the beach. We walked a total of 4 miles that morning. We walked where Aunt Katie, my mom, and I walked 2 years ago. Also known as where Katie rescued a live full grown Horseshoe Crab. It was a sight to see. Later on, we went to the Oceanographic Center, where we fed stingrays. That was fun. It was VERY frightening to be holding the shrimp in your hand, watching the stingray coming towards you. But their barbs were clipped. The instructor said they clipped them every 12 weeks, but it's in my nature to worry. I kept thinking "What if this is the 11 and 1/2 week? Then there must be a barb!" Haha. My mom even knew I was thinking that. It's just in me. I got some pretty awesome pictures. I will put them on here once I upload them, and I will put on the videos too. Once we got to the airport, stressing that we were going to miss our plane, they said it was delayed an hour. Great! So our plane didn't leave until 8:20 p.m. so we didn't arrive in Milwaukee until 10:21 p.m. We gained an hour crossing the time border.
So now I'm home again Tuesday. We were all sooo tired. I didn't wake up until 9:45, then I went back to sleep. (: