The life of a middle schooler.

Is crazy. You have so many emotions... it's amazing.
Girls fight over stupid stuff. It drives me insane. You hear the normal "Oh he said this about her and she said this about me and I'm gonna beat her up." It's like seriously. SHUT UP. GET OVER IT. MOVE ON. Everyone threatens to 'beat you up' or 'jump you'. I swear we are going back to the '50's. It's like the Outsiders. Which is kind of cool... but annoying. I'm gonna jump you. Come on! Of course, I try to stay out. But you know its going to happen sooner or later, I'm going to get in it. And now I'm in the middle of 2 drama scenes. One only because I'm friends with a girl. And one, it's not ever my fault. She keeps saying stuff, and I'm sick of it. I'm learning alot about friendships. I'm seeing who to stick with, and who to move on from. I've seen that all I was to one of my 'best friends' was a back up and a 'go to for help'. That is not cool with me, so I've moved on. I also learned that whatever a girl says, she won't do. So my friend was supposedly gooing to be 'jumped' - and she never was. Honestly, why do they bother? Nobody is afraid of them.

Then tomorrow.
This 'anniversary' is really getting me. Before it was kind of like "It's 9 months. :(" But this one seems different. Like it's reality now, it's real. Of course, the other ones hurt like crazy. I don't know whats different. Like it's a smack on the face. I think part of it is from Emmas words to me. But I'm feeling this one hard. Tomorrow we are learning about the life of Hitler. Kind of funny. One because he was so bad, and I'm learning about his life on the 10 month date. And two because I read the book "Hitler Youth" with her. I loved that book so much. I love reading about the Holocaust. It fascinates me. Ever since I read ''The Diary of Anne Frank' I have loved it. Not the actual thing... but learning about it. We are going to read "Surviving Hitler" in social studies and we are watching "Life is Beautiful". Then in English I am reading "The Diary of Anne Frank" again. (: I love it. I'm such a nerd about the Holocaust.

I have.

I have been happy. I have read The Outsiders. I have walked 4 miles on an uneven beach. I have cried. I have thought. I have fed sting rays. I have loved. I have missed her. I have felt 'weird'. I have helped. I have sang. I have danced. I have laughed. I have lived.

I have not.

I have not forgotten how to live. I have not let go. I have not forgotten. I have not suceeded. I have not been sitting in a dark room the past 10 months. I have not seen her. I have not been totally happy lately. I have not felt 'good' the past few days. I have not forgiven. I have not been barefoot in forever. I have not been warm this whole winter. I have not felt free. I have not...

^_^

Check out the quote in my heading. Like it?

Awe.

I never realized how sweet Hannah is. So Thursday night, grandpa came up to hang out with me and Hannah while my mom went to school. My dad is taking some 'motorcycle' licensing class. So he's not home Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday or Monday for that.
But when he got here, we first went to Chili's. Then we came home and watched Lion King.
Then the cute part comes. Hannah goes upstairs and grandpa starts reading some books to her. During the whole night, it's thundering and lightning outside. Once in a while some big BOOMS go by and shake the house. And I guess one time when a big one came, Hannah tells Grandpa
"That's Katie and Richard bowling... but I don't remember Richard." When I heard that I starting bawling like a baby. I have no idea where she got that. That's what I have always thought, but I keep that stuff to myself. So you wonder...
That is so cute. Katie and Richard are bowling. Apparently she misses her more than we think. I guess that since she's go young, we don't really think about her. I guess that she's kind of pushed aside for those who we actually think about... and that made me sad. Hannah is sitting here watching us all cry, and she's crying on the inside. She's too scared for us to cry though. You can see in her eyes when we cry that she is worried about us. I feel really bad.
When I learned what she said, I pulled her over and asked her
"Hannah, did you tell Grandpa that Katie and Richard were bowling?" and she says
"Yeahh." and laughes. I said
"It's ok. That's really sweet Hannah." and give her a HUGE hug.
That really tells alot about her... and us.

Erg.

I've been waiting for this day. It's officially 1 year since I've seen Katie. Exactly one year ago today was the last time I saw her. It's just going to keep getting longer now too. That's the worst part.
That's sooo long... 1 whole year. 366* days. :(
Well, I'm super tired. Write more later.

What the heck?

I hate my teachers. I hate them!!! I cannot wait for this year to be over.
They have no respect whatsoever. NONE. They don't pay attention either.
I'm beginning to think they are all ganging up on me. So far 3 out of 4 teachers have hurt me... through bears. And I know, I'm NEVER going to get away from it... never. It's just that it's still 'fresh' and they know that it bothers me when people talk about them.
Today-
In math, we all had to get 'shields' that hide our papers from others when we are taking a test. Of course, I get the shield that says "Bears are cool." Whatever... it's not the teachers fault.
But! Then in social studies we all had to present our power points that we made. One girl did Greece. She had a whole slide on bears... and how Greece does special things to preserve the bears and to keep them around and stuff. And my teacher says "Oh that's cool and so great." I'm sitting there going "HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HONESTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!" Whatever. I've never been too fond of her. Last week when we were in the computer lab, one kid pulled up a picture of a brown bear and the teacher goes "Oh he's so cute. You just want to take him home in your pocket." and I was RIGHT next to it. I'm like "Why???" Ugh...

That's what it really sad. They have no respect. They are so self-centered. They don't pay attention. It's really bugging me.

Wackyy.

This past week was crazyy. It was another week with 'signs'...
Monday-
Our first day backk. Nobody really wanted to be there. In French I got a worksheet with bears on it. I crossed out the heads. : She knows... and I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself when it comes to that stuff.
Tuesday-
We were studying for a test on "The Outsiders". I wasn't nervous about it, considering I read it twice and saw the movie like 252365234632431 times. :D But when we were studying, we played a game. And we had groups, and if we didn't choose a group name in lilke 5 seconds, the teacher picked one for us. Of course, we didn't find a name in 5 seconds... and she named us the "Bears". Wow. I asked her "Can I not be a bear? Can I either switch groups or re-name us" and she literally said "Uh... no" Like snotty. I'm not kidding. So what was I supposed to do then? I NEVER want to be called a bear. Imagine that... being called a bear. I looked at my friend, and shook her head like "that's stupid" (about the teacher...) Then I just sank down low in my seat and sat there doodling.
Wednesday-
Wass a normal day. I think I 'aced' the test. :D
Thursday-
Normal too. Nothing new... nothing out of the ordinary. No tests.
Friday-
was the last day of 3rd quarter. Gosh it's about time. It seemed like it took forever. >_<

Now it's officially 4th quarter... 1/4 away from an 8th grader. 1 year and 1/4 away from a highschool. When you put it that way... it's kind of scary.