Emma-

Like my picture now?!?!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

I'm so tired I can't think of a title

As you may have noticed, I have been changing my picture alot lately. I had it of me, Katie, and Hannah. Then recently I had me and my dog Lily, whom I love very much. :] But now, I have the picture of Emma and Me. I love her more than Lily. I would pick her over a dog any day.... probably. Just kidding. :] But I love her.

I also love my cousin Chloe. She is so great to talk to just one on one. Unfortunately I have no pictures of me and her. Otherwise I would post it.

I also love my cousin Chase. He is fun to play with. :]

I love you cousins. :]



P.S. To the rest of my family, I love you too. ;]

Just Thinking

Currently, I am really enjoying life. It’s been 7 months since I have liked living. Ever since June 23, 2007 I have hated my life. Things got way worse on June 23. But now, my life is starting to get better. Friends are making it better. I’m starting to get happier. I don’t cry everyday anymore. My family is getting better. Everyone around me is fun and happy. Yes, I still am sad about it, but I’m learning to accept it. It’s really hard to accept the death of someone you love so dearly. Now, finally, things are getting better. And I really like it. It’s a lot better than being sad everyday. That apparently didn’t get me anywhere.

New Poem

We had to write a poem about our goals for the future. I really liked mine:

My life flashes infront of my eyes
and ahead of me lies,

College and a family
My life is great,

My mind has learned
to accept her death,

Everyone's happy
even me,

Now I sit and wonder
Will this all come true?


Not sure if you can actually call it a poem, but it's still cute. :]

7 Months

It's officially 7 months since the death of Aunt Katie. Once again... it is around a holiday. My birthday. :(

Wow. 7 months without my Aunt. 7 months without my best friend. 7 months without somebody to talk to whenever with all my problems. She gave great advice. 7 months without a great big tight hug. 7 months without that "hyperventalating" laugh. 7 months without that comforting smile.

I miss it all so much. She comforted me in so many ways. She comforted everyone. She was a comforting person. And we all miss it so much.

I Miss You. <3

Me and Shadow

Snuggly kitty on a cold winter morning:

:)

Wow. I am officially a teenager. There's no going back. :] I have to admit, it is kind of fun. Nothing considers me a kid anymore. Like on iTunes you have to be 13 or older to agree to the terms or to register your iPod... and kids menu's and restaurants, it's 12 and under! :o I feel so funny. It's like I'm trapped in between a kid and an adult. :]

Yesterday, I got my hair cut. It isn't much shorter, but I got short layers. It's pretty cute. :P

On my birthday, I had done alot of thinking. And I emailed John about it. Thanks. :] But there were alot of things running through my head. Some happy, some sad:

• Wow, I'm a teenager.
• I wish Aunt Katie was here.
• I know she's proud of me.
• Why her?
• I'm 13!

And that's just a few. Here is an email I sent John.

Hey John,

You know, I have been thinking about a lot today. I was just having a bunch of thoughts. It’s amazing how much one person can have such a huge impact in your life. I really miss her. It’s hard to open up Yahoo! IM and never see her smiley-face light up. Agh.

Love/Miss you,
Kayla

Pretty much explains it. :

John, you're great to talk to. Thanks.

:]

Just Thinking

My birthday is in 5 days. In 5 days, I am going to be a teenager.
That really scares me. I don't feel like I want to grow up. It would be fun if I could be a kid forever. I'm starting to get a different perspective on things. I see things differently from how I used to. It's like my mind is growing more mature, when my heart is refusing. I can feel butterflies in my stomach when I think of things. In fact, a lot of things give my butterflies:

• growing up
• boys :]
• tests
• being REALLY happy
• when I have fun

Pretty weird. Sometimes I will just get butterflies out of no where.

My counselor taught me a new thing this week. She taught me how to make my brain and heart work together making happy thoughts. She hooked me up to a computer. Then it started to calibrate. At first, she told me just to concetrate on my breathing. She said my heart rate was extremely high. (I think it's because of my Cafe Mocha right before then) Then after I got my heart rate down, she told me to think of thoughts of love and appreciation. That would calibrate the computer, then make me go to meduim or high level. That is good. Your level goes higher the more you work your brain and heart together.

Then I played this "game" called the meadow game. I had to do the same thing, but as I got higher levels, the meadow would grow. It started black and white. Then I went to color, then it got a bunny, then deer, then a rainbow, then waterfall. I got all of them. :]

I was thinking of the time in "Katies Meadow" with John, Grandma, and Emma. Me and Emma stayed probably 50 -100 feet behind Grandma and John the whole time. We were "blessing" all the furry caterpillars so they wouldn't get squished by walkers. It was fun. We were naming all of them and throwing circles of pebbles around them. Then we laid down in the sun and almsot fell asleep. It was the best time of my life. Thanks Emma :]