Peace. Love. Hope. Trust. Believe.: Whooosh.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Whooosh.

I'm dreading the thought of next month.

That was my line this morning on the way to school. Which then lead me to being unable to concentrate all day today. Now I am sooo tired. I have been up doing homework. My english student teacher is the worst. She told us Monday that we had a project due tomorrow, and it's one of our only grades this quarter.

But anyways- about the subjeect of this post.
I keep thinking about that. I started crying twice in school, I just hid under my hood. Once in choir and once in gym. That line this morning kind of ruined my day... just causing me to think of it constantly.

It feels no way at all that it has been a year already. I remember it like it was last week. I supposed that is the way it will always be, with someone so close to you. The whole thought of it just sucks. I'm afraid to go to school, incase somebody see's me crying. Yeah, my friends know I cry, but you know middle school. Everyone is in everybody's buisness. I hear "whats wrong? why are you crying?" Well there really isnt an answer to that. I'm crying because I'm thinking? Because I'm sad? How is that?

I don't know. I don't know what to do these days. Apparently I've been 'scaring' people lately. Well I am fine. I have waves. Happy, then sad. I usually go through that process 5-6 times a day. But I move on fast.

I just can't imagine next month. Yet, I'm going to know how it feels in a month. Now I can only wonder... and fear.

*Just so you know, I'm on a really high depressed streak. I may sound terrible? its just right now. I don't know. But I reallly hate it, and I can't get rid of it. *

1 comment:

John W. Evans said...: For me, grief has some pretty wild swings--big highs (when I feel like, hey, this is getting better), deep lows (when I think, man, how am I ever going to make it through)--not too much time in between. Crying is helpful for me--as you've said before, it gets the sad out. I can't believe that it's been ten and a half months. But, I guess it has. For what it's worth, Kayla, Katie would want you to feel exactly how you need to feel, and she would also encourage you to try to do something good with all that feeling--something good for yourself, for the people you care about, or even just a random good thing. There's this line in "The Princess Bride" that I've always liked, said by Miracle Max (played by Billy Crystal). Maybe it will mean something to you right now--

"You rush a miracle, man, you get rotten miracles."; Thu May 08, 11:41:00 PM

So baby you my only love; the only love I want is yours. Nobody is going to take me away from you, and I hope it's the same for you. :)

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back." - Charlie Brown

Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

"The storm starts when the drops start dropping. When the drops stop dropping, then the storm starts stopping" - Oh Say Can You Say, Dr. Seuss book

I've finally found what life's really about. Hanging on when your hearts had enough, and giving more when you want to give up.

You're lucky you know, right? - Emma

Life is short, Break the Rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that once made you smile.

Elve's are all jacked up on maple syrup!

Laughter on one's lips is a sign that that person deep down has a pretty good grasp of life.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing - Michael Pritchard

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transformation that's troublesome - Isaac Asimov

Madness is like gravity, all it takes is a little... push - The Joker

Maybe people are younger when they sleep - Ponyboy Curtis(:

In order to live, we must let go. Forget her hearts not beating. Her spirit IS here. - Emma.

Look beside you. Shes trying to hold your hand. - Emma.

"Right now, you and me here, put together entirely from atoms, sitting on this round rock with a core of liquid iron held down by this force of this trouble you call gravity, all the while spinning around the sun at 67 thousand miles an hour and whizzing through the Milky Way at 600 thousand miles an hour in a universe that very well may be chasing its own tail at the speed of light.. and amidst all this frantic activity, fully cognizant of our own imminent demise-which is a very pretty way of saying we all know we're going to die-we reach out, to one another, sometimes for the sake of vanity, sometimes for reasons you're not old enough to understand yet, but a lot of the time we just reach out, and expect nothing in return. Isn't that strange? Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird enough?" - Martian Child.