Well. (it's officially 2008)

It's almost beginning a whole new year. Am I ready for that.... NO! But I'm not going to to into all of that. Instead, today I feel like writing about all the happy times I had with Katie.
I remember last Christmas making toffee with her. It was her own recipe. And it wasn't made from alot. I think it had butter, chocolate chips, almonds, salt(?), maybe 1 or more things. But that's it. Yet it tasted soo good!
Then after it was done, we all sat down and listened to John read us "The Very Persistent Gappers of Frip." I can remember Chloe almost screaming at me to come to the back room because she was soo bored. Now everytime we get together, we read that book. I always fall asleep within 2 pages of starting it though. Haha.
This Christmas I felt unusual. I kind of felt lonely. Hmm.... is that how I should explain it? I'm not sure if that is the right term. But I did feel something along that. Then the death of Grandma Shaffer wrapped up my Christmas Day. Agh.
Now, it is 2008. Erg. I'm really missing 2007. My New Year's Revolution: To be happy.
Hmmm.... thats a toughy. Erg. This is a "stinky" year so far. So far, I hate 2008. Who knows what will happen though this year... so many possibilities.
I wish it was just beginning 2000. Then I would change so much. I wouldn't let Aunt Katie climb the mountian. I would have Uncle Richard live with us. I would just be beginning kindergarten. When everyone was happy. :] I miss those days.
It's 2008. hmm....

Half of a Year

It has been 6 months since Aunt Katie passed. Her "anniversary" always seems to be around some special day. 12 days after she died, it was Independence Day. 6 days after her 3 month death anniversary was Julie's Wedding. 4 days after her 4 month death anniversary was her birthday. A few days after her 5 month anniversary was Thanksgiving. And now, 2 days after her 6 month anniversary is Christmas Day.
Now in 9 days, it will be a brand new year. A year that Aunt Katie has never and never will live in. I don't want that! I don't want to start a new year. I still want it to be the year that she was living and breathing in. The year that I talked to her in. I do not want to start a whole year without talking to Katie. I miss her so much. It has been so difficult for me to go 6 months without seeing her. I can only imagine what 6 years is going to be like.
On Thursday, I went to my moms counselor. Well, now she is mine too. She did an activity with me called EMDR. I am not sure exactly what it stands for. Mom, help me out. :] But this is what she did. She started tapping my knees and told me to close my eyes. Then she had me think of a sad event in my life, (I chose the death of Katie). Then she had me think back to that very day when John called to inform us of her passing. Then she told me to just relax my body, and say everything that is going through my mind, whatever I was thinking. The tapping of my knees was to get the left side and right side of my body to combine. It started to put together my emotions and my feelings together, and it stopped the part of my mind that blocked things. It kind of stopped the thinking part of my brain, so I wouldn't think "Oh, that's not important, I won't say that" It made it so that I would just say everything.
It made me feel better. It was supposed to not erase my memories, but make them so that whenever I think of them, I will make them positive things, not negative. She said that we will do it more too.
Then she taught me how to talk to Katie. She told me to stop thinking and close my eyes. Then she asked me if there was anything I wanted to know from Katie. I said "If she is OK and safe". Then the counselor told me to keep my eyes close and in my mind say "Katie, are you OK. I need to know" Then I listened, and I do strongly believe I heard Katie. I don't care what you think, if you are skeptical or think I'm crazy, but I strongly believe I heard Aunt Katie answer me. she said "Yes I am. Don't Worry about me. I still love you so much" I felt relieved afterward. Think what you think, but I believe it. And I have used this technique many times since then. It seems to work.

:]

Peace, Love, and a Merry Christmas,
Kayla

Awe!

I love this video so much! It's my favorite part of A Muppet Christmas Carol.
It makes me cry every year. :)

New Video

From our first trip to Miami.

My "I Am" Poem

I am shy and loving.
I wonder about my dreams.
I hear my aunt laughing.
I see my aunt smiling.
I want to see my family more often.
I am shy and loving.
I pretend I am sleeping in the clouds.
I feel worried and sad.
I touch my aunts hand.
I worry about loosing my mom.
I cry when I think of bears.
I am shy and loving.
I understand that life isn't fair.
I say everyone should be happy.
I dream about seeing my aunt again.
I try to live a happy life.
I hope to accompplish many things.
I am shy and loving.

Today...

Was a bad day... I was sad, and I kind of felt angry at myself. That's all I want to say now.

Love Me

Hello World

Today I saw my counselor Mrs.Peterson. She is really nice and I enjoy talking to her. It's like she understands the pain im going through.
My hand is sore. My pinky is swollen and green/blue/purple. I have a very colorful hand... Monday I am going to the doctor to check it out. It's to see how long I have to have the splint, and how long its going to take to heal and stuff like that.
That's pretty much all my new news.

Well...

This weekend was pretty nice. As most of you know, it was Aunt Katies birthday on Saturday. We had a great time with everybody. Now i am back into my school schedule.
Monday was a normal day... not much fun. Then I got to leave early today because I hit my hand REALLY hard on a science lab. I went to the hospital and they said that I chipped my bone in my knuckle. So they put my finger in a splint. And I can't do gym for atleast 2 weeks!!! WHOO HOO! By the way, I hit my right hand, so it sucks! :) So tomorrow I am definatley seeing my counselor.

From last year.

Last year I won a writing contest for my writing. The writing topic was Sharing, Caring, and Giving. I wrote a really long paper, and this is just part of it. I thought I would share this part with you. If you want to see my whole paper, I can send it to you. Or if enough people ask for it, I will just put it on here.



Here are some reasons I think of my aunt for sharing, caring, and giving. Those words describe her perfectly! She is one of the most caring people I know. If anything happens to me or my cousins, she is always there to make you forget about it. Whenever I spend the night at my grandma’s house, my aunt is usually there. Then around midnight, we go on a walk around the block and talk about good and bad thing’s happening in our lives. She gives her time to help me.
Last but not least, I think of my grandma. She is the one of the best example of sharing, caring, and giving. Whenever I have family fights, or I just want to get out of the house, she invites me to spend the night. That always gets me in a better mood. This is how that shows sharing, caring, and giving. She is sharing her home with me. She cares about me so much that she offers to let me some spend time at her house. And she is giving me time to come spend time with her while she could be doing something else.

My Package

Today I received a package addressed to me. So of course, I opened it. It said it was from "Jennifer Long".
When I opened it, I found the jewlery that Katie wore at her wedding. There, in that tiny little package was a beautiful headband, a necklace, bracelet and earrings. I guess Aunt Katie borrowed them from Jenni. I was so thrilled to see them. Holding them in my hands. Aunt Katie is the last one that wore them. So I don't think I really want to "clean them up". :) That's just being me. Today I am wearing the necklace. I will always treasure these items.

And I am DEFINATLEY wearing these at MY wedding.

My School

Yesterday in math, my english teacher sent a kid over with some scrap paper because she didn't want it. But my math teacher didn't get it. So he was like
"Why are you giving me scrap paper?"
And the kid was like
"Mrs.Stein told me to."
Then my math teacher was like
"OK. i guess i'll give her some tissue or something."
Then we went on with math. But at the end of class, he gave me a plastic cup and told me to bring it to Mrs.Stein (english teacher)
So i did. Then she gave me a Chicago Bears flag to give to him.
When I brought it to him he told me to tell her that he was going to draw on it and burn it and that I saved it.
My teachers are pretty awesome.

Then today was pretty cool too.
The morning was boring. Then in science we went to the computer lab to make these graphs. Then in Social Studies we just looked for words in the newspaper. Then in English, we read this story and made a story board about it. Then in art, I was only in there for like 5 minutes when the counselor came in and took me out of the class. She brought me up to the other counselors office. We talked in there for around an hour. We talked about Aunt Katie and what we are doing. It was pretty nice. Then she said that we could meet either once a week or every other week. And I showed her the pictures in my locker or Aunt Katie. She said that we both have a big and pretty smile. :]

Tonight is my piano recital. I will talk about that later tonight after I get home.

Yep...

OK. This week has been pretty crammed!
Monday I had piano lessons. Like Normal
Tuesday I had Parent/Teacher Conferences. Apparently my friends and I have been a little talkative. :] But we are girls, thats what we are supposed to do. HAH!
Wednesday I had a Choir Concert. It went pretty good. We were the best. :]
We sang all Lion King Broadway Musical Songs. They are "Shadowland" "The Lioness Hunt" and "Circle of Life"
Thursday was nothing. Boring day.
Friday I am going to have a piano recital. They are fun. Mainly because I get to see Grace again. I haven't seen her for like... forever!!!! (Not really)
I am going to be playing "Candle on the Water" from Disney's Pete's Dragon, and
"I am a Small Part of the World" It was a choir song that we sang last year.

That's pretty much it.

Quotes

I like these quotes.

You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present. ~Jan Glidewell

While we are mourning the loss of her, others are rejoicing to meet her behind the veil. ~John Taylor

OK so...

Right now I am having a really hard time. I don't know why though.
Ugh.

I'm doing a social studies project on Romania right now.

Just thought I would throw that out there.

Gosh...

I STILL CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT THAT MY AUNT IS DEAD.
GONE FOREVER!!!



IT JUST SUCKS!

OK, so...

Apparently, I am getting on my cousins nerves. So I will write before she decides to fly up here and kick my butt. I really have nothing to write about, so it may just be very random.
Yesterday I just got back from Chicago. We had a wedding to go to down there. Everybody was there! and I mean EVERYBODY!!! It was my moms cousins wedding. Emma, Chloe, Chase and I were all in the wedding. Chase played the biggest role. He was the Ring Bearer. Then Emma, Chloe, and I (and partially Hannah) passed out programs at the beginning and bubbles at the end. It was pretty fun.
After the wedding, we rode a trolley to the lake. There the wedding party took pictures by Buckingham Fountain. We just wanted to go for the ride.
Then the trolley took us to the reception. We got there about an hour after everybody got there.
The next day, we went to the Grooms Mothers House. There we had brunch and hung out with alot of people.
Then, unfortunatley, the lovely weekend had come to an end. We had to leave. Let me tell you... it sucked! I did NOT want to go.
Then today i REALLY didn't want to go to school.
Ugh. Everthing kinda stinks right now. I have these like waves of emotions. One minute I may be really happy, then the next moment, I may be crying.
Today at school, in the hallway, I just started crying. So i went into the bathroom for a minute to wipe my face. I didn't want to be late to class, so I had to hurry. Oh well.
That's it for now.

The 7th Grade World of Mystery

Well, I am officially a 7th grader. I started last Tuesday. I am in Ojibwa House
(pronounced O-jib-wa, with a long "a"). The first day wasn't bad. But I got in trouble for having my shirt too low, and it wasnt low AT ALL!!!! It wasnt showing anything, and it was resting RIGHT under my collar bones. But the STUPID new dress code says all our shirts have to be covering your collar bones!! And let me tell you, there is hardly any place that sells shirts that high! Erg. It makes me mad. Today they made my friend put on a shirt that they had, cuz supposedly her shirt was "too low". The shirt that they gave her smelled disgusting!!!! So she called her mom and she brought her a different shirt. So stupid.
Everyone in my house got "House Shirts", and we all wear them on Fridays. On the front they say Ojibwa in purty writing, and the back says Asspire-Seek-Attain. They are really pretty red too.
The first locker that they gave me wouldn't open. I asked I think 5 different teachers, and they all couldn't open it until the 4th or 5th time. So my mom called and got me a different one. It opens alot easier. :]
My first elective is Choir. It is really fun. On November 28, our Choir gets to go to see the play Wicked. It was a first come, first serve thing. She only had 108 tickets, so we had to get it in fast. My mom might also be chaperoning. :]] We also get to walk around Chicago all day shopping. :]
My second elective is Art. I had it last year. It is probably my favorite elective. I love it!
On October 5th, our house is going our first field trip. We are going to East Troy, WI. There we are doing a low ropes thing, high ropes thing, Rock Wall, and capture the glowstick. Then we roast Hot Dogs on a bonfire and eat chips and soda, and then make S'mores. MMM...
The High Ropes thing is 30-40 feet in the AIR!!!! We are straped in a harness, and attached to a bunch of ropes and stuff. We have to cross the rope. I am scared, but excited. I don't like being 3 feet off the ground... imagine 30-40 feet! AHH!
All my teachers are pretty awesome. My Social Studies Teacher, Mrs.Gregory, is the cheerleading coach, so we do a lot of cheers. we have a cheer for our house. it goes " 'O' to the 'JIB' 'JIB' to the 'WA' 'O-JIB-WA!'
Well,
thats all I know for now.
More later

My Dreams

I had a really cool dream last night. I don't remeber the whole thing exactly though.
This is my dream:
"We were all I THINK at Grandma's house, and we were all balling our eyes out. I'm pretty sure that it was because John had just called us with the terribly bad news. So anywayz, we were all crying. (let me tell you that the house we were in didn't look anything like grandma's house, but it was her house.) And I decided to go down a hallway and be by myself (like i actually did when i heard). I was sitting on the floor soaking wet in my own tears, when out of nowhere Aunt Katie came and gave me a HUGE HUG!!!! she talked to me helped me calm down a little, not stop crying, just calm down a little bit. Then I walked back out to where everybody was, and Aunt Katie was walking with me. Nobody could see her, so they all thought I was going loopy talking to nothing, but I was talking to her. She sat there with me the rest of the evening while more and more people were arriving. She would talk to me, hug me, and I even sat on her lap. She went to sleep by me, but when I woke up in the morning, she was gone."

It was a great dream.

-----------------------

Another dream I had was a few nights after her death. This is it.

"My mom and I were somewhere and as we were walking out of the place, I saw Aunt Katie. She was just standing there, and I ran up to her and hugged her and we both started cyring. Then we were hugging for about 10 minutes, and she whispered in my ear, "Be yourself, and nobody but yourself". Then about
5 minutes later she said, "I will wait for you". Then she said, "I love you". Then my mom made me leave because nobody but me could see her. So my mom didnt know. Then as I was walking away, she waved. Then she floated up and disappeared.

I love it... and now you know why I couldn't say it without crying. I told my mom and I started crying. Then I emailed it to your mom. They both loved it. And I told my mom that I think it was more of a message than a dream...and I hope it was.


As you can tell, I miss her. =]

New Video

I made another video with new pictures from Jenn Carlson. :)

Umm...

Ok, so everyone wants me to write more upbeat things about Katie, so here's is one. I am just making it up on the spot, so it might not be that good.

Her smile:
It was always comforting. She looked like she needed a bigger mouth for the width/height of the smile. It was sooooooo big and was almost always there everytime you looked at her. :)

Her laugh:
That is one thing that no one will EVER forget. It is probably the funniest laugh I have ever heard, (in a good way). It kind of sounded like she was hyperfentalating, laughing, and almost choking at the same time. That was the best. :)

Her attitude:
She was always positive, never negative. I dont thik I once heard her say something negative about anything, except herself. But whenever I would say something negative about myself in her presence, she would make me take it back, or say, "That is NOT true". So then she would make me say something positive about myself, then I would make her say something positive about herself. She helped anyone who needed help.

Her sense of humor:
She was very funny. If you were sad about something, she would have something to make you laugh or atleast smile. :) Almost all the time, she could make you laugh. I would say around 99.99 % of the time, she could make anyone smile.

Katie... Over All:
A kind a loving person. The best aunt/wife/daughter/sister/friend/cousin/anything else anyone could ever wish for.
We all love her.

Aunt Katie

I made this video all by myself!! :) I love it, and I hope you do too!

Where You Are

This is another thing I wrote. It makes me cry everytime I read it.
-----------------
Who knows where you are,

You rest somewhere unknown,

We have never felt so far,

And now I am all alone.

-----------------
When I wrote this on paper, I drew stars as the background, just so you know.
My uncle John inspired me to write all of these. :]

Good Bye

I wrote this while thinking the other day. In honor of my aunt
-----------------
You were always there for me.
Through hard times.
Through joyful times.
You made me feel "special".
You raised my self-esteem.
You love me.
You care for me.
You were always there by my side.
I miss you.
I love you.
It is so hard to say good-bye.
But now i must.
So here it goes.

"Good Bye"

Right Now...

OK, so i was just thinking and...

I MISS MY AUNTS HUGS SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!

I want to hug her really badly! RIGHT NOW!!!!


:[

Thinking of my aunt

It seems that ever since Aunt Katie is gone, she is the only thing I want to talk about, think about, and cry about. So I am going to write about her on here.

"Katie lived her life the way she wanted to. She did what she wanted to do, she saw what she wanted to see, and she helped wherever she could.
She was a friend to everyone. She was your shoulder to cry on, your motivation to do things, your reason to take off work/school, your reason to be happy and joyful… she was your friend.
Everyone who knew her, now has a huge whole in their hearts. It is a disappointment that she had to go so early. We wonder… why her, why now, why there, why, why, why, why, why??? If you believe that everything happens for a reason, what is the reason for this?
She has been an awesome role model for her family, friends, and anyone who just saw her. Everyone who ever met her is lucky.
She was that kind of person who always had something to calm you down if you were having a rough time. She was always there for you if you needed her.
Having fun was her job. Everywhere she went, she found something to have fun. Whether it was learning to sail, swimming, making something, hiking, or just even joking around.
I remember her asking me if I wanted to go on a walk around the block at midnight or later just because I “looked” sad, or that she just wanted to talk about things. When she was here last Christmas, we took a walk around the block around 11:00 to see all the lights shining bright. We will all miss those walks.
All in all… she played a major part in my life, and now I will try my hardest to follow her footsteps."

.I LOVE HER.

My Cousin Chloe

Chloe...
She is a good swimmer
She and her brother fight way too much.
She is good with little kids (like my sister).
She loves her dogs.
Her cousin Kayla is awesome. :)
She can be nice to her brother... but usually they are fighting
She is very active.
She is an awesome cousin.
She is always there for me if I need her.
She is really good at painting nails, especially her uncles. :)
She is really funny.
She looks really good with braces. :)
I Love Her.

Adding More Later

Kayla (By: Flo)

What I think about Kayla...
For the record, I didn't want to post that title, but Kayla made me.

-- She is smart since she's the top in her grade
-- She can be annoying, and she can't stop jabbing/tickling me
-- Her dog is hyper and cute and fat
-- She has teeth of which are for eating, chewing and biting my shoulder
-- She has a tendency to get on the nervous system
-- I love her

My Cousin Emma

What I think of my cousin Emma...

She can be very annoying.
She is very creative.
She can play the piano really good.
She looks good with a comb-over :)
Her thumbnails look DISUGSTING!
Her laugh is really funny, ( in a good way).
Her cousin Kayla is awesome and is very nice to Emma.
I want to eat her sometimes because she stresses me out too much. :
She is retarded in all possible ways known to mankind.
She thinks she is smart.
She reads WAYYY too much.
She is very boring.
When she reads, she reads aloud, but she thinks she isn't, and it is very annoying.
I love Emma.

Adding More Later